In PAIN

I feels like my body now against me... My backache is getting worst.... I feel so much pain... What can I do? I can afford to go to the clinic... What a sad life I have...

The pain is hurting me... As I walk, standing, bending and even sleeping....

Pain oh Pain... Please take me away with you.....

How I feel actually.....

Selfish...

People do tend to be selfish.... When we asked them for help, they ignore ... But when they want help, urrrrgggghhhhh we HAVE to do it... WTF!!!! You can do it but when we stated our reason still they said we are selfish and making faces towards us... When they don't do it it is okay...

I have a back pain, asking them for help, they said wait wait, i am just asking them to paste the pad at the pain... But suddenly wanna use my stuff, they urged me as i said i will retreat to my room coz i need to used it making faces.... FUCK!

And I still remember, i only had RM6 in my wallet left, and they don't have money simply asked for it and never said will payback... Even if you are my sibling money is still money... Yeah one time they have no more money and it is just the beginning of the month, asking me for money, it is like i am the bank to them, yeah I gave them RM400 and that was my expenses money till end of the month... Then i became broke... Somewhere at the middle of the month I noticed they received money, do they give me back the 400, HELL NO!!!!!!

I saw them buying this and that... But my wallet was empty as i gave them the money.. Do they ever think abt me? HELL NO!!!! If I go out, I usually order take away as thinking whether they ate or not... But for them, they never think like that... Wht they gave me is the leftover of what they ate... So sad right my life....

I Am Not Happy

I am crying almost every day.... Thinking of what had happened to me recently from past month. It's like you left me hanging without a rope. But do you remember your promises to me? Do you still remember all of it? I don't need to remind it at all as you made that promises to me without I forced you in anyway possible... But look what happened now? I am crying... Every single day?

What did i done wrong? Please tell me! But whenever I asked, you said them! Them! Them! This is how you sacrifice? Should I be selfish? Am I selfish enough? In starting of our relationship you said you will love me only and no one else... But now, you ask me to find some else and be happy... And you said if you find some else you will still be with me? How can this happened? Have I not interest you anymore?

What am I to you? Just to pleasure your need for love that you cannot get from Them? What am i actually? Now i am so fucking weak! I am not willing to live my life any more... You bring me to suspicion that you have someone else... But when I asked you, the answer is always NO. Just tell me the truth... Did you really find a new love? If yes, I will back off and just walk away like a shadow... You will never hear nor see me at all anymore... I just cannot take it...

I feel pain in my heart. I dunno why but recently my chest do have pain. I didn't tell you. Coz you said you always be worried of me... I have countless sleepless night... You dunno abt that too.. Even like this i still thinking of you, tries not to make you worried abt me.

Your promises... Where is it now? You know I hate liars! Do not promise me something you can't! If you hate me that much just leave me if that will make you happy and you won't see me anymore... Just like we didn't know each other... You made me a weakling already!

Depression Struck Me NOW!

I believe I am being depressed every single day... the feeling of being alone in this world without you just leave an ache in the heart. I know you are just living your life as is and i think i cannot continue it any more .. the feeling of loosing you is getting stronger every seconds, even you said that you will never leave me. my chest hurts when breathing, my feet ache every time I walk.... What should I hold on to? Your promises that you said at the beginning of our relationship? Now most of it is just words...

I cried every single day... Every single day tears falls down from my eyes. What should I do? I can never tell you, or not you know what will happen... I just can't.. That is why every time you asked me whether i am OK I would say yes I am OK...I will not tell you whether am OK or not. Just to ensure you are happy...

Your recent words makes my feeling of loosing you more stronger.. As before at the start you said you will not love anyone else but me.. But now........ How can I be strong any more?

I don't tell you what going on with my life not that much any more... Even sometimes I do eat leftover food that my siblings ate.... Because I am hungry I just ate it.... You cannot compare your life with mine any more as mine is getting worst and your is getting better.. i am just lying so you won't be worried about me... Never mind :)

No one can do what i do for them... Even my friends when they are in need I am there to help them no matter how... But no one can do what I do... They do look down on me... But I try to be strong.. I swear that I really feel alone now... No one is by my side any more.. EVEN YOU!

Truth

How we know whether it is the truth? Just believing? Seeing? How much can we trust when it has been lies all along? Truth may hurt us or make us happy... What if the relationship you have is based upon lies? So where to go from there? Which way to take?

Do you know how to proceed? Or you will be in a deep shit? Which is which? Can you have the trust again towards him? Your Full trust?

Priority

Am I still your priority nowadays? Why is it that lately i felt like there is someone new in your life? Why don't you just tell me when I asked you...? Just tell me the truth.. Don't let me left hanging like this.. If you are bored just tell me then... I don't want to be played for as i have been in it before...

Sleepless night since 1 January already..... Now it is already 16 January.... I cannot sleep thinking of us... What is our future... Seriously i feels like i am all aline now.... Not like before..... Our communication medium is thru that one device only.... Usually i will receive call every single day up to 3 to 4 times a day... Now ..........

I feels like i have been replaced.... The promises you made is just left as promises no more than that.... I constantly crying every single day.... Not knowing how to proceed abt us..... Just give an answer that will not make me feels like this anymore... Now i question everything you did... Is it true? Now my negative side is coming back..... I have to be strong and prepare for the worst then then as i am dunno what will happened to me now...

How I Feel.....

Heartache

i am still happy that i am with you... but still the promises you promised me........ How? Just forget abt it? Shud i still be with you or shud i be alone... as now i am alone... feeling alone.. without you by my side, how can i put my that i am attached to you. you dunno how my heart ache everyday... i am crying everyday....  yes we are far apart from each other....

But i feel like am left hanging without a rope to tie or hang on.. i just being left like that.. yes you now have everything you wanted,.... but now am left with just nothing..... NOTHING.!!!!!!!

what else can i do? i am unable to do anything.. NOTHING! Stupid ME always advising ppl... saying to ppl to not give 100% but see what happened to me now? why was i soooo stupid like this.

OH PAIN PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still remember this...... :')

I Love You this Big .............. I Swear I Do <3 <3 <3

Human or Plastic

So are you a human being or just a plastic human? Can you tell if your friend is being true to yourself? A friend in need is a friend indeed... Tell me how many of your friends are like this? Will they be there when you are in need? Or you have to be there when they are in need...?

To tell you the truth, i have done all I can for my friend, but at the end i just received all the BS, excuses or reasons that they can give to avoid me. Ain't that sad to me... But what can I do? When we are a the lowest we can be, we will know which is true friend, which are just a "Fair Weather Friends"... But basically this types of friends are more than those that we believe and trust that they will be there when we are at our lowest.

Yes i do feel sad when i think that they are my true friend but in reality they are just there when we in our finest... Why in the hell I must understand them whilst they don't try to understand me as a person? These people re just full of BS! So now i must be selective in choosing friend.

And some more... Those friend that like to take what is OURS... In laymen terms, snatching our partner... This is because this type of people like to prowl on those that they know that is easy to get...they befriend us first, knows us... Then slowly making friend with our significant others... Then they poison them in believing that we are a bad apple...

This is a reminder to me and those who reading this... Just be careful and don't trust people easily.

Norm or Your Identity

Following the norm is a normal thing that is being done by us as human being.... But where is your own identity as we are born different from each other even twins to r different in their own ways... Ok please tell me this, IF your friends is going to jump into a SHIT hole, will you follow to? As it is what you are doing following them to be in trend etc. Yeah we do follow the trend that is in the social market but why dun we put some of our spice in it rather than following someone else butt!

You are your own individual... Love yourself first ok.. Dun give fuck what people think of you.... You are you... UNIQUE...

Hi

Bon jour

My first on-line diary that will be made public for all to see and read..... follow me, hate me i dun give a damn... i will write what i want and like nor dislike.. whatever things that will come into my mind....

So just enjoy it or hate it ok....

P.S. You may hate me or love me.... TQ!

Halloooo.......

Ini my first time blogging ok.. So suka atau tak... Ada aku kisah?!!!!